Sex, Mental Health, & Social Media.
As a bodyworker and Somatic Sex Educator, I’ve been reflecting on the role social media plays in our lives. Both from the standpoint of deciding how I’d like to relate to it professionally, and how it impacts our bodies and access to pleasure, sexuality, and embodiment. Digital life and social media affects us in many ways, and I’d like to share some observations from my research.
When people spend time on social media, they dissociate to some degree. This means that a person ‘checks out’, and trains themselves to ‘check out’ - the skills needed to discern how to feel about a situation is diminished when a person is dissociated. And, capacity to engage in internal psychic boundaries is lessened. Lots of information that someone may not wish to invite into their inner world will make its way inwards via dissociated exposure to social media. Further, there is so much information being communicated that’s non-explicit in social media content. What are the stories underneath the stories, and are they being noticed? It seems a little bit like visiting an orgy without considering preferences, boundaries, and limits before leaping in.
Social media use increases dopamine - a yummy ‘happy’ chemical. Yet, when a person experiences a dopamine drop, things start feeling rough, and they go through withdrawal. As such, folks who use social media may end up chasing a high - increasing the amount of time on social media, and analyzing social media to figure out how to get as many likes/comments as possible; contorting and refining to become a ‘pleasing shape’ to people on the platform. This has some pretty serious impacts on a person’s sense of authentic self and personal identity.
Social media does not promote creative, curious, or deep thinking. Brain states are shaped by what they’re exposed to, and spending time on social media means that brains are being trained by whatever content is consumed - which among other things may include trolling, negative, or confrontational interactions. This results in neural wirings that deepen sensitivity and reactivity to this style of relating, whereas other neural wirings - such as the wirings involved in complex emotionally resilient conversations, or other non-social media leisure activities such as creativity, play, hobbies, reflection, or good old fashioned boredom get weakened and rewired.
Further, comparison culture is real - yet, this isn’t Kanas anymore where we might be “only” judging ourselves in relationship to neighbours, classmates, or co-workers. Now there are countless people & brands to witness who are communicating an idealized and contrived version of reality. It’s easy to fall into ‘lesser-than’ thinking, noticing everything that’s wrong or not enough about your own life, without remembering that this content isn’t ‘real’ or recognizing with gratitude things that are going okay or well in life. This has been shown to increase depression, anxiety, and other mental health concerns.
It may be worth taking a week or two off to get curious about if social media is affecting your quality of life, and, if so, how? If taking a break isn’t possible, are there other ways to get curious about how social media may be affecting you? If it doesn’t feel like there’s any challenge with social media and life, that’s wonderful. This invitation is coming from a part of me that notices that many folks name discontents with social media, such as noticing anxiety and stress while on social media, disconnection with the body, fear and paranoia, loss of vitality, and other really real effects of social media use.
For folks who are identifying that their emotions, mental health, sexual energy, or sense of self-worth are being affected by social media, there are some wonderful, simple, and actionable ways to address this. Firstly by managing exposure to social media! Take breaks and limit time on the apps. Also, by refining the content being visited. What kind of social media experience would you would like to have? What would be perfect? If you have chosen to take some breaks or limit exposure, consider filling that time with things that offer pleasure! If the premise of social media is about connecting with others and being inspired, perhaps consider real-life social contact on the phone or in person. Reading and writing. Creating and enjoying art.
Importantly, another invitation would be to explore finding pleasurable dopamine hits in other ways. As a Somatic Sex Educator, my suggestion would be though mindful pleasure-based practices! After all, social media causes damage to the brain’s capacity to focus on single tasks or experiences for periods of time. It also has a negative impact on libido and arousal. Taking the opportunity to learn how to focus and hold attention on pleasurable sensations in the body supports expanding a person’s range of capabilities. Rewiring bodies is 100% doable with some intention and attention. After all, for those of us with ‘social media brains’ our attention and intention created that outcome. Every person is always at choice in deciding what outcomes they would like to see with the dedication of their time and energy.
Further, for folks who have been raised in sex negative conditioning, traumatizing environments, religious communities, and other environments that are sex-negative (read: everyone!), choosing to turn towards pleasure and practicing mindfully expanding it has deep potential to rewrite stories and neural pathways away from the impacts of those harming experiences and towards more abundant and nourishing ways of experiencing pleasure. Our bodies are designed for pleasure, and feeling more pleasure is a matter of practicing deepening the range of pleasurable possibilities.
After all, the western world is conspiring to program each of us to orient away from pleasure. Instead, we are urged to stay in our thinking & problem-solving minds, and be enmeshed in abstract digital worlds where many folks end up feeling the need to be on guard, holding their breath, freezing their bodies, and scanning the digital landscape with defensive or offensive vigilance. Dropping back into the body, presence, and pleasure is a powerful disruption of this systemic and cultural force that is a part of modern life.
Oh, and one last thing about social media… Social media has a dedicated history of restricting and banning sex workers and other people working within the sex industry from having the same reach, access to income, and safety as other users. It’s no surprise that we live in a sex-negative culture, yet, restricting sex workers, businesses and educators from advertising or speaking plainly and abundantly about sexuality is an ongoing act of anti-sex cultural violence. This is doubly the case when the people in question occupy multiple marginal positionalities - sex workers, businesses, and educators that are IBPOC, trans or gender variant, poor, fat, old, experience dis/ability, or other ‘othering’ identities are more likely to be targeted online, and have their platforms hacked, frozen, or banned. Not to mention experiencing deep and real harm in the process. This is one of many ways in which marginal bodies are experiencing violent and systemic erasure from landscapes and being denied access to the resources needed to survive and thrive.
As a Somatic Sex Educator my work is in supporting people deepening experiences of safety, connection, and pleasure, and while in this article I’m certainly not interested in wrapping up by saying “So, you see, social media is BAD and WRONG and STAY AWAY!” because it is definitely a part of life that is often also unavoidable, educational, or inspiring. Instead, I feel a calling to ensure we’re complexifying and bringing to consciousness some of the issues of how it social media affects the individual, and how it affects the collective when it comes to mental health, community building, and each person’s fundamental right to feel sexually free and respected.
If you would like to learn more about the effects of social media, check out this helpful research article: “The ‘online brain’: how the Internet may be changing our cognition”.