Resilience & Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse.
In trauma recovery circles, there's often a lot of discussion about exploring the narrative—the ‘why’ behind unwanted past experiences. Diving into our personal stories can be a powerful tool for gaining clarity and fostering self-awareness. It can also help us reframe and rewrite the story we tell ourselves. After all, storytelling is a powerful way to make sense of our lives. However, focusing solely on narrative may not be the complete solution for overcoming childhood sexual abuse.
When traumatic events occur during childhood, such as childhood sexual abuse, they can profoundly affect our development and self-perception. These experiences can influence not only our beliefs and stories (that form our narrative and outlook on life) but also manifest in various other aspects of our lives, including our sexuality, gender identity, orientation, and even physical health issues like autoimmune disorders and high cortisol levels.
For those who have endured unwanted sexual experiences, it’s crucial to identify how these experiences have impacted their actions, emotions, and thought processes. By shining a light on how developmental trauma has shaped our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual lives, we can better understand and address the unique challenges we face. This process allows us to honor and grieve the complex journey of our lives, recognizing both the dark places we have known and the light we have within.
As Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Engaging with modern research on attachment theory, keeping a log of your thoughts and feelings, exploring cognitive biases, and developing mindfulness practices can be highly beneficial in a process of creating greater awareness. While working with a professional can greatly support this journey, solo exploration can also offer valuable insights.
Carl Rogers wisely noted, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I change.” Embracing and nurturing yourself as you are can be a powerful act of resilience, and one of the most powerful steps in recovering from childhood sexual abuse. Resilience is our ability to adapt and recover from adversity, and it is crucial for anyone navigating trauma recovery.
You can cultivate resilience by focusing on:
Supportive Relationships: Build connections that are both committed and respectful of your individuality. These relationships should foster interdependence rather than co-dependence.
Self-Efficacy: Take responsibility for aspects of your life you can control and focus on your own growth and empowerment.
Self-Regulation: Develop your ability to manage your emotions and adapt to challenges.
Faith and Cultural Traditions: Build a relationship with faith, hope, and practices that nurture your well-being.
In my practice, I emphasize fostering resilience in the realm of the erotic - on helping clients connect with what nourishes them. The goal is not to dwell in past pain but to discover paths to greater ease, pleasure, and joy.
If there’s one key takeaway from this article, let it be the importance of practicing resilience. Reflect on your relationship with yourself, others, and the world around you. Examine your mindset and attitude towards life’s challenges. Assess your ability to manage emotions and find calm during distress. Consider the role of faith, philosophy, tradition, or religion in your life, and evaluate your relationship with pleasure and self-expression. Are you making choices that bring light and vitality, or do they feel confining? What can you do to make things just a little bit better for yourself?