Closing The Orgasm Gap.

The orgasm gap, or pleasure gap, refers to the disparity in orgasm time and enjoyment between two sexual partners. While this can happen in many different types of sexual dynamics, it is most common in parings between cis men and cis women.

Research shows that in heterosexual pairings less than 30% of women orgasm, whereas 90% or more of men do (this number is similar for men’s same-sex or queer pairings). However, in women’s same-sex or queer pairings, there is a significantly higher orgasm rate (up to 83%). And, there is scant or no research available to date on gender non-conforming and trans erotic dynamics and orgasmic experiences. However, there certainly can be wisdom gleaned when reflecting on what early socialization and cultural messaging we have each received as a sexual human being.

This orgasm gap within heterosexual relationships (the relationships that receive the most study!) has been largely summed up as due to the ignorance of the clitoris and it’s critical role in pleasure, as well as lack of communication about women’s sexual arousal and needs within sexual dynamics, plus the misinformation communicated culturally and through porn about sexual pleasure and enjoyment. Do you want to close or narrow the orgasm gap between you and your lover(s)? Here are a few keys to support you!:

COMMUNICATE!

One dynamic at play is the way in which women have been socialized in the realm of communication and assertiveness - and that this socialization dynamic is to the detriment of women’s sexual satisfaction. Leaning how to sexually communicate needs desires and boundaries, while listen to your partner’s needs is key on the path of closing the orgasm gap. Relationships where both partners have space and a feeling of welcomeness to openly articulate their sexual needs and interests, while having a receptive partner that will do the same are much more likely to report having a satisfying sexual relationship. Further, if one partner experiences challenges orgasming, they may hide this from their partner, and misrepresent their sexual experiences through practices such as faking orgasms. Within heterosexuality, women’s orgasms tend to be culturally understood as more important for their partners’ bolstering (to illustrate their sexual prowess) as opposed to for their own pleasure. This creates a sexual stress, which exasperates sexual challenges.

FOREPLAY!

Another key step on the road to closing the orgasm gap is de-prioritizing penetrative sex, and exploring a greater range of sexual play. To speak broadly from cultural rhetoric regarding cis hetero pairings, women’s pleasure doesn’t operate the same way that men’s does, as a general theme. Men may find themselves genitally focused, whether due to their authentic sexual desires, or due to the cultural conversations that illustrate this is how men ‘should’ behave sexually. Alternatively, many women tend to enjoy a slower ‘waking up’ of the body, starting with sensual touching of areas away from their genitals, and then slowly & non expectationally moving towards genital play. Of course, there are many exceptions to this trend - however, when exploring ways to close the orgasm gap, focusing on erotic, non-expectational, non-genital touch is key.

THE CLIT!

Clitoral sensation and play is critical for clit-owners to be able to access sexual pleasure and orgasm. There is a long history of the clitoris being largely or completely omitted from medical texts and educational information about human sexuality. The focus on the vaginal canal as a primary erogenous zone has resulted in a great deal of misinformation that prioritizes vaginal sex, which is not a reliably orgasmic experience. This is especially true within heterosexual hookup culture, where research has shown that men are not considering their partner’s pleasure within the encounter. Exploring clitoral massage, masturbation, or play using mouths, toys, and other body parts is yet another key to closing the orgasm gap.

And, of course, you’re so welcome to get in touch for a coaching or bodywork session where we can explore these topics of sexual communication, non-expectational erotic touch, and pleasure beyond penetration! Humans have evolved as collaborative and social animals - and these are traits we can expand with practice and guidance!