Intentions, Rainbow Joy & Sex Work.
I’m writing this on a day of rare snowfall - a big Jeep is having some fun and dancing in the snow outside my window, and I’m cozied up in wool and longjohns. I’ve got water boiling for mint tea, winter sky is shining in the window, and I'm feeling feelings of curiosity and excitement about writing you.
This last month has been a whirlwind. I had a client fly in for an intensive, which was a real joy and privilege, and I visited Salt Spring Island. While on the island I grew some juicy blisters from hiking up mountains, cuddled with puppies, slept in a sweet little cabin, and had a great time talking with friends about the erotic (my favourite topic). And, I collaborated with a friend regarding intentions for this next year. Intention setting is not a traditional practice for me, but research (and common sense) has shown again and again that having dreams, goals, and values that we express and organize around is important. When we have a guiding star, it can help us as we navigate the details of daily decision making and conversations with greater clarity and purpose. When we get lost in the woods, taking a breath and looking up at our guiding star to help us find out way can (often!) be more help than getting panicked and running about every which way looking for the 'exit' sign. Unless you've got great luck at panicked-midnight-woods-running, that is!
Intention setting is an important value I bring into my Somatic Sex Education work - regardless of what stories, systemic realities, or histories we've experienced, we always have choices available to us. And, this includes when we're exploring sexuality - whether solo or with partners. Harnessing simple & achievable intentions - whether it's an intention to explore sexual healing, or to try out that new butt plug, or to practice self-kindness, can help remind us of our choices, guide erotic experiences, and be a helpful way to re-write sexual ruts, bring meaning into why or how we're exploring eroticism, or weave new or desired experiences into how the erotic is showing up.
I’ve been in a rainbow-y mood this last while - I pulled out my rainbow tie-dyed one-piece long johns yesterday and my day got so so much more interesting once I put them on! I’ve also been working on sewing a rainbow quilt (with lots of mustard yellow!). A friend who is a gifted quilter asked me about this quilt and what the story was. Initially I felt there was no story - I was making it just because it felt like a good idea. I've been thinking about what the story is (see the above points about intention as a guiding influence!) and realized that this rainbow-y quilt is a 'joy practice' journey for me. My body looooveess it when all the colours are mixed together, and I get playful and smile-y. This quilt feels like it connects me to a younger self, and welcomes that self. And, it tips a goofy-hat to irreverence, silliness, and unbridled me-ness.
In other rainbow-y news I bought a new sex toy from Come As You Are that has been a much needed companion through these short days and dark nights. It’s silicone, made with swirly blues and pinks and glitters, and, like so much of the gear that Come As You Are carries, is made in a fair-wage environment. I’m not on their books (anymore) but I still sure do love their selection. Sex toys and I have an on-again / off-again relationship, and this chapter of on-again has been good for my soul.
I often get the question about what my days look like as a Somatic Sex Educator. Each day can be quite different, but, I’d like to take some time in these newsletters to offer little windows into different avenues of how I work… One avenue in which I work is by offering bodywork via traditional sex work lanes. This is less about offering educational sessions regarding the nervous system, attachment, boundaries & communication, pleasure practices, and the other topics that many Somatic Sex Education clients come see me for, and moreso about weaving this knowledge into full body sensual touch sessions. Sometimes people are arriving with a desire to be held in trauma-informed, non-judgemental, and non-oppressive ways, and sometimes people are arriving looking for a professional to offer hands-on education as they learn new erotic practices. And, sometimes folks are looking for a pleasure cruise!
It’s been joyful connecting with clients about what makes them them - their adventuring, handiwork, values. Or, we might talk about the big soup pot on my stove and basket of onions sitting next to it, and then move into a session of full body erotic touch. Cultivating connections across genders and generations has been a delight, as has been the slow magic of witnessing clients unwind and feel themselves in a cozy and unhurried erotic space that is a time away from time. This work that I do has become a cherished part of how I arrive as an educator and a touch provider. I absolutely adore that I have found ways to weave my values (soup is a value, yes?!) into my erotic work.
In fact, I’ve recently decided to publicly offer erotic massage and trauma informed BDSM on my website. Often erotic massage and BDSM might be part of my work with folks seeking a more educational series of sessions, however, I also want to make sure that it's clear I'm available to folks who are interested in having a pleasure cruise! Offering my Sexologic Bodywork training and supporting folks embracing pleasure and joy is pretty much always how I want to be spending my time!