Pandemics: turn on or turn off?

There’s a model of sexuality called the dual control model - in this model the premise is that things that hit our ‘gas’ pedals support us in having sex, or ‘turn us on’. And, things that hit our ‘brake’ pedals tell us that sex is not a very good idea or ‘turn us off’.

Turn offs that hit our brakes might be small things like sheets that don’t feel *quite right* or big things like histories of unresolved trauma, systemic oppressions, nosey neighbours, or challenging responsibilities. And, y’know, multi year global crises with abundant death, unemployment, and injustice. Turn ons that hit our gas pedals can include pleasurable spaces to have s e x in, people or fantasies that we resonate with, feeling seen and cared for, and moments of presence.

However! Sexual energy can be trickster energy, and sometimes the opposite of this is true too! Sometimes bodies feel that spicy times are exactly what is needed during times of destabilizing stress and challenge. And, bodies might not feel too spicy at all in relationships that feel safe, secure, and blissful.

So, if you’re sitting around wondering what in the world to do about your low / high sex drive, creative drive, or feelings of aliveness, know that your body is being a super clever (if obstinate and confounding) ally. It might not always feel this way, but, your body is doing what it thinks is right to do given the context you find yourself in.

If *witness you* would prefer things to be different, there are practices and tools that can be explored. Yet, at the end of the day, the journey might also be to perhaps simply watch your patterns and learn what the organic medicine of your body’s wisdom is.