Fuck Sexual Perfectionism.

I ‘came of age’ into a sexual philosophy where I believed that the only way to ‘do the sex thing’ was to give 150% to be as knowledgable, performative, and spicy as I could. And, you know what was missing from the books & messaging that I received? That sex isn’t a job to do. That practicing feeling my body, communicating my desires/needs/boundaries, and following my pleasure is important. That sex often doesn’t look like a single photo or tip in these books.

Learning techniques to level up sexual skill, aesthetics, and knowledge is great, but, at the end of the day, sexual pleasure is about enjoying what authentically feels good. And, spoiler alert - what feels good is sometimes is not very fancy. In fact, what feels good is gonna sometimes be quirky or weird or goofy. But, fuck it. We’re quirky and weird and goofy animals that do what quirky and weird and goofy animals do.

I feel like I’m in danger of creating an either/or dynamic here. Sexual showmanship is hot! Sex nerdery is a joy and love language! People who express sex with artistry are sexy wizards! A triple recipe of spicy sauce that is the perfect shade of red and photographs beautifully for the internet is a-ok!

I just really hope for a world where regardless of what’s on the menu, we taste the recipe as we go, listen to our taste buds about what the recipe needs, and aim for a finished dish that hits the spot… and without making this a new form of perfectionism!